He told me he was gay....

[knighted33]

I dated a do*chebag for 18 months who said he loved me and would do anything for me and when I found out he was cheating on me I wanted to k*ll him and then I found out he was cheating on me with a man I didnt know what to say. It still felt like he was cheating but I couldnt tell why I wasnt as angry. I could tell when he was explaining to me he was very cautious with his words and very sorry to have hurt me. It felt like he was using me to cover up and stay closeted. Im still not sure how to deal with this emotinally or if I should even tell my friends about this so I dont out him before he is ready. Did I turn him gay? What should I do?

[hickoryJ]

Hmmm why dont you ask him if he has told his parents yet. I think the wrong thing to do would be punishing him for his sexual orientation or it is still wrong that he cheated on you and used you as a blanket for his true desires. Gay men have been trying to hide their sexuality for years. They keep it from their families and friends and lead the life that everyone "expects" from them. Its these very expectations that drive a gay man to marry a woman and have children to hide who he really is. I dont think it was you who turned him gay so dont get down on yourself that you arent woman enough to keep your man. I think you need to sit down and have a very long talk with him about what exactly you should do about this. You sound reasonable enough to have a serious conversation about moving forward. Take a few days to think about it and consider your options before making any irrational choices.

[twoatatime]

You can fault him for cheating but not for his sexual preference. 18 months is a long time to be with someone without having respect for them so maybe you should speak about how you should tell everyone why you are not together anymore, good luck!

[LtDangle]

I dont think you can turn anyone gay actually I think its just a point in their life where they discover how they really feel. Putting emphasis on whoever they are with at that moment is usually irrelevant so if you are feeling ashamed you really shouldnt. If he wants to openly date another man I dont see why it would be bad for you to tell people what happened because if he is gay then you arent telling a lie just stating the facts.

[KoolBride]

Did you ever have any signs that he might have been gay in the entire 18 months that you were with him? I know its possible to get fooled but for me I just think I would know if my boyfriend was gay or not.

[timmylucky8]

No No No! You did not turn him gay. IDK!! I am a homosexual and though I understand how hard it is to come out I do know that it still doesnt give anybody the right to cheat and hurt someone. Him being afraid to come out is his problem not your's. I am not saying go and tell the world what happen though. LOL. However I just felt the need to say something so you would know that you shouldn't be blaming yourself for his sexuality at all.

[1200degrees]

timmylucky8 wrote :
> No No No! You did not turn him gay. IDK!! I am a homosexual and though I
> understand how hard it is to come out I do know that it still doesnt give
> anybody the right to cheat and hurt someone. Him being afraid to come out
> is his problem not your's. I am not saying go and tell the world what
> happen though. LOL. However I just felt the need to say something so you
> would know that you shouldn't be blaming yourself for his sexuality at all.


If she talks about it to her friends then she might out him before he is ready though, is that wrong of her or his problem?

[badboyzz]

Her problem is with his cheating not with his sexuality. If she wants to tell people that he cheated on her with a man then I guess now the ball is in his court and he can either come clean or hide deeper in the closet. At least this gives him an opportunity to do what he must to finally have some relief in his life.

[Stooey1]

No you do not turn him gay, not even in the slightest. Chances are he was living a secret life for some time and you were just helping him disguise his secret life (unknowingly of course). As far as what you should do is just move on. When people ask you about why you broke up just say he cheated and if they ask with you then tell them. Dont run around town trying to disgrace him and embarrass him but you have a right to tell your friends and family what happened in your life.In my opinion he should have explained to you that you had nothing to do with his sexual orientation so you dont blame yourself or have any confusion as to why he has left you for another man.

[AlphaDawg]

I would say out him so he cant trick another girl into being his disguise. If you are gay dont wreck some poor girls head by faking a relationship just so you can stay in the closet. Just be single if thats what you wanna do.